“Madea Says” - Madea’s Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life

January is a month of for making New Year’s resolutions. Since the month isn’t over just yet, I’m going to take the time to talk about a book that might not help you with your resolutions, but it may help you get through the rest of the year.

Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea’s Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life by Tyler Perry.

This relatively short book (254 pages, hardback) needs to be read it from cover-to-cover, but it is divided into eleven sections making it easy to jump to where you need help most.

The purpose of this book is instructional and the clue is in the title. You don’t want to make a black woman take off her earrings. Why? Because this is your last clue that you have crossed the line and sistah-girl is about to throw down. Your mouth has written a check that is about to be cashed on your behind. So it’s better to learn how not to get into such a situation.


Who is Madea?
The word “Madea” is what some would call a “corruption” or even a “bastardization” of the words “mother dear.” It is a term of endearment found in the South given to those elder women in a family, like a grandmother or beloved aunt. Well, corruption or not, it is a term that is not given lightly and must be earned.

The children of Queen Alexandra of England may have called her “mother dear,” but she was no Madea. Queen Alexandra never would have said: “Payback is a mother!”

Besides, in this case, I am talking about MADEA.

THE Madea.

Many of us in the black community know about THE Madea or have heard about her. Some of us have been lucky to see her live and in person. Some remember Madea back when she was queen of the live theatre chitlin’ circuit and have seen her go on to conquer movies in Hollywood.

According to her biography, Madea, aka Mabel Simmons, was born in Greensburg, Louisiana in 1937. She’s a big woman with a big heart and a big gun stashed in her purse that she’s not afraid to get out if you work her nerves. But in truth, and those of you who have seen Madea know, she is the larger-than-life character created by playwright, actor, producer, and all-rounder, Tyler Perry.

Do not mistake Madea for being a humorless, strict, church lady who looks down her nose proclaiming, “Isn’t that special?” Back in her youth, Madea was a stripper. Fortunately for us, she has collected all of her advice from her life experiences and put them in a convenient book for our use.

Madea has something to say about everything, and she makes it clear that we would be wise to listen.

On ageing: “You don’t get older—you get better—if you’re wise.”

On weight: “There’s nothing sexy about a rib cage.”

On beauty: “Vaseline.”

On sex: “If you’re looking for a roadmap to heaven, follow these stretch marks along my thighs!”

On self-defence: “My momma didn’t give me any instruction on the gun. She just told me, ‘Aim and pull.’”

The effects of aging on the body: “You know, I stepped on my nipple today.”

And much, much more.


Where have all the Madea’s gone?
As mentioned above, you don’t get Madea’s age and experience if you’re stupid. But she points out that living in today’s society makes it harder to find sources of wisdom.

“See, grandmas today are twenty-nine years old. If you’re twenty-nine, you don’t know the things you know at sixty-eight.”

Madea has a lot to say about parenting throughout the book. In the section, Kids! (Enough Said), Madea really lays down the law. The crux of her advice is this:

“Whup that ass.”

There is a group on Facebook called “My parents didn’t put me in time-out, they whooped my ass.” A friend of mine put me onto this group and I joined with the quickness. THIS is the kind of group Madea would have founded or at least be a member of. She talks about the “bag of belts.” Some of you know what I mean. My mama had one.

But this Facebook group also demonstrates that it is not only black women who are unashamed to discipline their children this way. In this group you will find people from many different backgrounds and races talking about the elders in their lives, men and women, who took them to task—and thank them for it. You don’t have to be a black woman to be a Madea.

Madea is all about owning up to responsibility and working to your full potential. If you don’t believe me, just read the section: “What in Hell Is ‘Acting White’ Supposed to Mean?” Her response: “It’s not acting white. It’s acting like you got some sense!”

Further on in the chapter she says: “It’s like laws in America. If you break the law, you pay the consequences [...] So when you’re raising kids, remember—you are the law. Lay the law down and they will respect you.”

Do we really need Supernanny???

Madea is funny. She is over the top. Not all of her tips can be taken seriously. For example, you probably don’t want to try your luck by bouncing checks all over town, or leaving fish heads around your house to discourage houseguests, but that’s not the point. It is the spirit in which the advice is given that counts.

Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea’s Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life by Tyler Perry is Madea’s first book. I hope she comes out with another one soon.

Madea wants you to understand what she is saying. “If you’re not a black person and you don’t understand something, read that part to a friend who’s black and ask for an explanation.”

No matter your background, or your current age, look for and appreciate the Madea’s in your life. If you happen to be a Madea, I salute you and want to be like you when I grow up. Tyler Perry lost his mother recently after a long illness, and as you can imagine, his mother was his touchstone and one of the inspirations for Madea. So you need to embrace your Madea while you can.

Therefore, I’m going to give this book 5 bags of belts out of 5.

And everyone out there should use those belts wisely and responsibly.

Madea has her eye on you.


MADEA IS BACK ON TOUR!
See the woman herself in “Madea’s Big Happy Family”
Check out the tour dates HERE.

http://www.tylerperry.com/_Plays/

If you are lucky enough to be in the area when Madea comes to town, I suggest you be there.